Careful what you wish for.

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I just bought another ounce (28 grams) of cannabis from the provincial online store. They had a sale on. 28 grams of mid-range Indica for CAD$4.20 a gram (~CAD$120 for the whole ounce). That works out to being less than half price. I was nervous because I have never tried the brand before (Pure Sunfarms), let alone it appears to just be a random in-class strain that they had kicking around (it was just called "Indica Blend"). The description claims the entire bag is a single strain at least. Smells pretty good though, and the packaging claimed 15% THC so it should suffice for me, even if I have to vape a few bowls... It came in a plastic envelope, but I hate those so I transferred it into empty bottles that I had saved (so the bottles do not match the strain). All 4 bottles are packed full though. It's a shame that I had to expose it all to oxygen, but the envelope is pretty much useless for sealing it anyway... At least now it's all locked away in airtight containers. I'm tempted to buy some more, but I'm going to at least wait until I try it.

I would if I could, but it's illegal to import/export from both of our countries, and I would do anything for love but I won't do that.

Append:

I tried it last night right before bed. It doesn't smell/taste very good, but it's not very bad either. Just bland. Which is disappointing, but I can see past it for the savings. It seemed to work fine. Tonight I'll be vaping exclusively that (well, and concentrate) so I'll get a better idea how I like it. I'm not so strongly motivated to order more though now. I like my weed to smell/taste good. Gives me the illusion that it's fresh.

Append:

It's too tempting. I just ordered another ounce. I priced up that quantity of a couple of other strains, and it would easily be CAD$230+ (so I'm saving about CAD$120 with each ounce). That should get me nearly to summer. Hopefully the next batch smells a bit nicer, but as long as it works it's a good value I reckon. This envelope I'm going to leave sealed until I run out of the other batch. I assume the sale is temporary so I didn't want to snooze and lose the opportunity.

I'm sorry to hear that. Is it going to seriously mess things up, or just delay things?

$400/month hurts for sure, but at least it sounds like you're getting a lot of bang for the buck. Of course, it could well be you aren't getting enough time with each. Better if they were all covered by [social] insurance though.

Actually this COVID-19 thing is sort of the perfect storm in Canada to rehash the "guaranteed livable income" idea. I think at least 2 parties are pushing for that to be reconsidered given the circumstances.

I would hope you shouldn't have to twist a pharmacist's arm to be discrete... My pharmacist has a little privacy booth where you can go to talk.

As far as money goes, I'm confused. Is there not an electronic system to verify coverage from Medicare? Or don't you have an ID card or something for it? To go without insurance because the pharmacist doubted you had it sounds silly (albeit, personally I have gone without savings to spare my anxiety so I get that). I do of course understand not wanting to discuss private matters in public, but surely there's a means to prove you have coverage without revealing any private details?!

For example, to access health care in Ontario everybody has a plastic health card, similar in nature to a credit card or driver's license (the old ones were like credit cards, but obviously without credit; the new ones are like a driver's license, with a photo ID, etc.).

Have you heard about the newest Wikileaks!

You may be overdoing it Bamccaig. Try cutting back and get more exercize.

Thanks, that's good advice. I definitely want to cut back on alcohol again. A month ago I was down to 3 or 4 a night, which is huge (and I wasn't even really craving it). If I'm awake for 8 or 9 recreational hours I drink a lot more than if I'm only awake for 4 or 5. A large part of that was going to bed early, of course, and cannabis was still working then to make me calm, relaxed, and tired.

Dehydration is an interesting diagnosis. I'm always dehydrated. A LOT. Largely due to alcohol consumption, cannabis consumption, and preferring a beer when I'm "thirsty" instead of the water that I should be drinking. I made a point to drink water today because you said that. I have a Brita water bottle, and I find that if I fill it up with water and put it in front of me that I subconsciously drink it before long. And if I keep filling it up over the course of the day I can drink several litres. Of course, having the discipline to do this requires a relatively easy day devoid of work pressures or other added stress. Which is not often a luxury I have these days it seems..

I think I have been experiencing more severe depression lately, and coupled with no sleep for the past 2 days it is taking a toll on me. I contacted my GP to discuss my mental health, as well as of course shorter term solutions for sleep and longer term solutions for substance abuse. The nurse appears to have misunderstood me, and assumed I was suicidal RIGHT NOW and immediately called me to check on me. I feel a little bad for scaring her (and taking up 15 minutes of her time). Alas, I don't fully understand why, but talking to her put me on the verge of sobbing (which was embarrassing so I tried to hold on until I got off the phone) and now I'm just kind of stuck on the verge...

Anyway, we agreed to start with a phone call tomorrow to discuss matters with the doctor and come up with some plans. Initially she wanted me to come into the office, and I'm not sure if she was trying to cushion my anxiety or if it's COVID-19 related, but she changed her mind to a telephone visit first. That's probably going to be super awkward/uncomfortable, but hopefully there are some short term options besides merely cutting out alcohol and cannabis.

Append:

It has been a rough week. I couldn't sleep Sunday night or Monday night. Tuesday night I might have gotten an hour, but I'm not sure. Wednesday night was the same. I still laid in bed every night which I guess allowed me to rest sufficiently to function, but with less energy and vigor. I guess I was experiencing insomnia. And on top of that depression and anxiety.

I had the phone appointment with my doctor, who asked a bunch of questions, and referred me to a substance abuse service for counseling as a first step. Presumably it just gives me access to somebody to talk to, and doctors/nurses that specialize in treating addictions. Though I don't think it'll be overly applicable to me, I've set up an appointment anyway to satisfy the doctor and show that I'm willing to try. He initially said he didn't want to prescribe medication yet for the depression/anxiety, but after asking me a few questions he changed his mind and offered me some. I was wary of them changing my personality in unpredictable ways though so I told him let's wait a month. Now I kind of regret it because after doing some research after our call it sounds like exactly what I need, but I digress. I have another appointment with my doctor in 3 weeks so we can discuss meds again then.

Yesterday I was pretty desperate so I Googled anxiety remedies, and came up with sardines and Vitamin D3 (which sardines also happen to contain). In all I had orange juice, a 3000 IU dose of Vitamin D3 (after researching the risks and finding out what dose should be "safe"), a can of sardines plus the sunflower/fish oil they were preserved in, plus I vaporized lavender essential oil in my office while I worked yesterday. Then after work I got really drunk and stoned (7 beer in about 4.5 hours; vaped about 0.7g of cannabis). Thankfully after taking a couple of days off from using, cannabis is working a little better than it has in a while at least in terms of feeling properly stoned/euphoric/relaxed, if not putting me to sleep. I've also been drinking water all day during work hours pretty much all week. I think that's it... I managed to end work on a relatively good note too which set me up for a breezier morning meeting.

Anyway, it wasn't a great night. I still had trouble sleeping. And the alcohol was too much so I woke up sort of hungover at 7 AM feeling like crap. I emptied my bladder and went back to bed. I tossed and turned for about an hour and a half, but finally between my 8:30 AM and 8:55 AM alarms I fell into a deeper sleep and started dreaming lucidly! I haven't even slept in nearly a week, let alone dreamed, so I was ecstatic when I woke up and realized that I had been dreaming. Unfortunately, my 9:55 AM alarm interrupted it... And I had to get up for work. Hopefully tonight I'll have even more success now that it's the weekend! Considering the week I've had I feel great so far this morning.

@bamccaig be honest with and listen to the doctors, counselors, and other professionals! It's not like they have a magic wand to make everything better right away, but at least they have your best interests in mind and will work with you until they figure it out.

Each psychiatrist gives me a different diagnosis (schizophrenia, schizoaffective, ...) but I went from being disabled to a high paying job in a great city.

The secret? I listened to the medical professionals. Also a lot of luck. But that luck would've meant nothing without the help from the medical professionals. I owe a ton to my previous psychiatrist and therapist.

Substance abuse is very common with mental health issues as a way of self-medicating. I got back into heavy drinking and drug use when the meds I was taking for anxiety and depression stopped working. I've been switched to different meds and now I'm doing fine.

Depending on how things go, you might not have to give up drinking for good. I spent two years getting things back on track and during that period I didn't drink or do any drugs. Now I have the occasional drink or smoke, but don't feel the need to overdo it anymore.

Here's a little exercise I did with myself recently.

I've been smoking for 25 years. When I started, it was maybe half a pack a day for years. Lately it's been about 2 packs a day at times. I went with an average of around 1 pack per day for 25 years.

25*365 = 7500 + 1500 + 125 = 9125 packs in 25 years.

Cigarettes used to cost around US $4 now they cost around US $8. I went with an average of $6 dollars per pack.

6*9125 = $54,750

That's how much my education cost. If I had never smoked in my life, I would be debt free right now. Instead, I'm a smoker with asthma, overweight and I'm 50 grand in debt. I could be healthy, fit, and free of the burden of debt instead if I had just never started smoking.

bambams. I encourage you to do the same with your drinking and smoking habits. Figure out how much they are costing you, and what they are actually providing you with. Cost-benefit analysis if you will. I know you're good at that kind of thing. Then think about where you would be right now if you didn't drink or smoke at all, and you were in good mental health. Then make a decision where you want to go with your life. All the best.

EDIT
Continuing the math,

9125*20 = 182,500 cigarettes

182,500*5 minutes = 912500 minutes

912,500 minutes / minutes per year = 1.712 years

I've spent 1.712 years of my life smoking. THAT"S #%^@ED UP